Raising Daughters: In Honor of our First Granddaughter Ruthie Rivka Naama
Thank God, my wife and I are blessed with six daughters, ranging in age from 19 to 31. We are also blessed now with our third grandchild and our first granddaughter, thank God! I wrote this reflection a couple of years ago but in honor of our first granddaughter, I want to share it now. She was named after Diane’s mother Ruth Jacobs whose Hebrew name was Rivka. God willing, our Ruthie, will be a source of pride to our family, community and the world and the values of her namesake will live in her and through her always.
All of our children are committed to a Torah way of life, seeking to walk in both worlds of Torah and the modern world, firmly rooted in Halacha with a strong sense of their unique role as Jewish women.
My wife and I pray for them every day to realize their Divine potential and sacred mission and to share their special light with the world. My wife and I were careful about ensuring that they never felt any undue pressure as rabbinic children and we do our best to forge positive Jewish experiences, love of mitzvot, particularly Shabbos and Israel, and awaken within them a relationship with God and a sense of calling for the Jewish people and humanity.
In writing this reflection, I asked my daughters for their input, for as parents we can hope to inspire and teach but we do not always know the impact of specific actions we do and memories we create for them. As I share their thoughts, I am reminded of the teaching of Rabbi Solovietchik that his love for Judaism stemmed from his mother. He writes, “most of all I learned that Judaism expresses itself not only in formal compliance of the law but also in a living experience. She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life – to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His Hand resting upon my frail shoulders. Without her teachings, which quite often were transmitted to me in silence, I would have grown up a soulless being, dry and insensitive.” In this spirit, I echo the words of Rabbi Akiva who examined his success to his students by saying, “Mine and Yours is hers.”
In the words of our daughters...
Modeling a Love of Judaism
“You created positive experiences for us. The small things generated excitement. I remember Torah Power. (I would hold their hands when walking to shul and when I sensed their becoming weary, I would enthusiastically proclaim, “Torah Power!”and run with them up the hill. My father did this with me walking to shul on the hills of suburban Atlanta) Shabbos was not a burden to us. It was never an issue to turn off our phones. I loved the Shabbos table conversations. We talked Torah and could ask any questions and have any conversations about life and in particular the Torah perspective. We sang Kabbalat Shabbat together at home, watched Mommy light Shabbat candles, made challah together and Mommy let us cook with her as kids even when it made it harder for her to get ready for Shabbos. She made holiday projects with us.” We strived to create positive Jewish experience and model the joys of Judaism.
Role of Women
“We learned that men and women have different roles but are equal before God. We did not see Mommy staying at home with us as inferior and insignificant but rather as a holy mission. You taught us that a woman should be empowered to choose careers but that depending upon your stage in life, it is important to balance the roles in and outside the home. (Our daughters have chosen diverse careers - genetic counseling, electrician and firefighter, computer science, advanced Torah study and Jewish education thus far).
Primacy of Torah Learning
“Torah learning was held in high esteem. We learned with you and Mommy one-on -one and also deeply explored texts on Shabbos.(One of our daughters was instrumental in launching the Talmud Bekiut program at Stern College and four of them are currently learning Daf Yomi). I also noticed that as we got older, Mommy spent more time teaching Torah and being outside of the home, a reflection of what she taught that different stages in life have different expectations. Her commitment to growth inspires us. Both of you instilled within us what you, Abba wrote when asked what is your greatest achievement in life, “raising children in the path of Torah.”
Cultivating a Relationship with God
“Mommy taught us that we should speak to God not only during Tefillah. Both of you made God part of our life. The expressions Thank God, Please God, God willing, were part of your daily conversation and became part of ours as well.”
Final thoughts in my words…
Love of Israel
Many years ago, when I visited Israel during the second intifada, I met a Rabbi who had made aliyah. I asked him where his children now lived and he told me they all lived in Israel. When I asked him the secret of his success, he remarked, “we took our children to Israel almost every summer because we understood that it was not enough for us to love Israel but we needed to find ways for our children to fall in love with Israel themselves.” As parents, we have tried to follow his advice in many ways. Although we could not do yearly visits, we took our daughters to Israel as often as we could, brought them to rallies from a young age, celebrations and commemorations for Israel, attended AIPAC with them, hosted Banot Sherut Leumi and a female IDF soldier in our home, and in the deepest of ways intertwined their destiny with Israel.
We named our fifth daughter Tamar upon feeling a special connection to Israel in the days before she was born when we asked some friends to pray for Diane at the Kotel. God works in mysterious ways as we took her with us to Israel when she was a baby on a solidarity mission to Yehuda and Shomron and the communities in Gush Katif. She was the first of our daughters to make aliyah. She is now doing Sherut Leumi in Israel as a tour guide at the Herzl museum and National military cemetery. We have a second daughter who made aliyah following college and God willing, one or even two more in the next couple of years.
Our youngest daughter, Shalhevet Bracha, was named after Shalhevet Pas, the ten month old baby girl, who was murdered in Chevron. Shalhevet shared, “My first trip to Israel was when I was 10 months old. I do not remember it but when I was in elementary school and the teacher would ask, “Who has been to Israel?” I would raise my hand and knew from a young age that Israel was important to me. You told me that when I was a baby visiting Yad Vashem and went into the memorial for the children, I dropped my pacifier there and you explained that maybe that was saying that I would not forget those children and my life should be a way to carry on their flame. We also went to Israel near my Bat Mitzvah, and I spoke to Shalhevet’s father who gave me a bracha. Going to Israel is like coming back home.``
Mission Driven
Both Diane and I strive to instill within our daughters a sense of their unique gifts and Divine purpose in the world and that each one also possesses a mission within the transcendent mission of the Jewish people. Whether going to a rally, hosting people at our home on Shabbat or holidays, visiting the sick, accompanying us on MItzvah missions, we cultivate within them the sense that being a Jew is not a burden but a blessing. As a family, we have an obligation and privilege to spread the light of Torah, love and joy. As individuals, we strive to model a courageous Jewish life, amplifying the importance of following Torah values and not peer pressure, and revealing and harnessing their talents in the service of God, the Jewish people and humanity. In this spirit, they feel empowered in their Judaism and inspired in their faith.
God gives each of us the children, the souls, that are destined for us. I had no idea, of course, when we got married that I would be a father of only daughters. Yet, I truly believe that God knew that this was best for my wife and me. God willing, our daughters, Sara Malka, Michal, Adina, Elisheva, Tamar and Shalhevet Bracha, will continue to embrace the sacred task given to Avraham and Sara to become blessings to the world and realize each and every day the latent Divine holiness instilled in them.
May we all merit, with God’s help, to experience much joy and nachas from all of our children and grandchildren for many years to come.